From oversold flights to gates harder to find than Platform 9 ¾ to discovering you actually hate your significant other, travel days are always stressful. Add a mishap to the mix—lost luggage, a misplaced passport or a cancelled flight—and a long day at the airport can really put your oh-so-engrained Canadian politeness to the test. But handling mishaps with the grace and eloquence of Justin Bieber’s PR team is in our blood. Here’s how to handle a travel mishap, Canadian-style.
So you forgot your passport
Stay calm, don’t panic. You’ve only forgotten the one thing you need to cross the border—no big deal. Everyone loves Canadians, border patrol will probably just let you through with a wink and a “let’s just keep this one between us”.
Hate to break it to you, not even a healthy dose of Canadian Privilege and a bonding moment over the security guard’s 2008 trip to Whistler will get you through those gates. See if you can arrange for a roommate/someone who owes you a very large favour to hop in an Uber with your papers (or if you’re really living on the edge, send the passport unaccompanied after screen-grabbing the driver’s profile and making note of his license plate). In the meantime, make like a Torontonian and pray to The 6 God for all your door-holding and grandma-calling karma to kick in. Like, now.
How to avoid it next time: Remember your passport. Put a post-it on your suitcase that says “PASSPORT”. Put a post-it on the fridge that says “PASSPORT”. Put a post-it on the door that says “SERIOUSLY?!” Ask the Tim Hortons cashier to remind you to bring your passport. Set every alarm in your phone to say “Did you pack your passport?”. Just take your passport and put it in your bag. Did you do it? Good.
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So they’ve lost your luggage… again
Call it the Craigslist curse—your bag has missed its connection. Luckily, you thought ahead and all your essentials are safely snuggled in your carry-on, right? (Wrong. Let’s be real here, you packed at 3 a.m.). Before you start playing bag-tag with the poor attendant, threatening to boycott the airline/airport/air travel altogether, take a minute to tap into the inherent laissez-faire attitude (and correct pronunciation) that comes with your Canadian passport. If you have flight delay and emergency purchases insurance on your Visa, a lost bag could translate to some spending money. Give the attendant your best small-town smile, subtly graze the Canada flag patch stitched to your carry-on, and ask him to direct you to the nearest Madewell. You hated all of the clothes you packed anyways, right?
How you avoid it next time: Check in early. You have a much better chance of losing your luggage when the handlers don’t have at least 30 minutes to load it onto the plane. If your bag does get lost, remember airport staff will check the outside pockets first to find your contact information, so slip your travel itinerary, cell number and email address into a small front compartment.
So the hotel you booked looks nothing like its photos
The limited TripAdvisor gallery should have tipped you off. You’ve arrived at your “boutique” hotel only to find a smaller, shabbier, less-good-looking version of its online profile, presumably made up of circa-2008 photos and hyperbolic descriptors. Basically, it pulled a Tinder on you.
But, like Degrassi: The Next Generation, the rotary snowplow and too many a Molson commercial, you are Canadian. This generous-two-star hotel is a Four Seasons compared to the mosquito-infested cottages, puddles of PBR at music festivals and minus-40 degree igloos you’ve slept in (or at least the Americans you’re travelling with think you have). Engage your squad in a rousing game of “If you think this is bad, let me tell you about the time…” while you smack flies with your all-season Sorels.
How to avoid it next time: Survey every hotel with the discerning eye you’d use on a date—hat on in every picture? Probably balding. Shots always taken at an upwards angle from a corner of the room? Probably small. And always, always read the reviews, and not just the ones that are featured on the hotel/hostel/Indonesian tree house’s website, using command-F for words like “bedbugs”. Now if only we could do that with our blind dates.
So you missed your plane
You knew that 45-minute layover was cutting it a little close. Admit it, you said “sorry” to the gate attendant when she wouldn’t let you through, didn’t you? (It’s not just a stereotype, apologizing with frequency and uncontrollability is about as Canadian as congealed maple syrup on a popsicle stick). But now you’ve missed your connecting flight, and you’re stuck in Chicago/Tokyo/Vienna with nothing but time to kill. Grab the friendliest and/or most bored looking passengers and ask them to join you for an impromptu local beer-tasting at the closest bar, or even pitch a game of Airport Bingo. (If you went to any Canadian university, you have an honourary minor in drinking games. It’s just fact).
How to avoid it next time: Make sure you have at least two hours between your flight connections when you’re travelling. And for the love of Shawn Mendes and ski hill poutine, don’t miss your second flight playing Airport Bingo with a bunch of strangers you’ve charmed with your irresistible Canadianness.
Featured Image: Dave Bloggs, Lake Louise Alberta Canada via Flickr CC BY 2.0
