They say picking your travel companion is one of the most important parts of planning a trip. Choose right, and you can take a vacation from memorable to life-changing. Choose wrong and, well, we’re having flashbacks to standing on a street corner in eastern Europe holding a napkin with the word “English?” scrawled on it after our ‘navigator’ lost our only map.
But when you’re in a relationship, having a built-in travel partner can be both a source of constant comfort and constant annoyance (because, let’s face it, nothing makes you more aware of your S.O.’s breathing patterns than sitting beside them on a 12-hour bus ride through Thailand). From learning firsthand that they have an impeccable sense of direction, to learning the hard way that they have a papaya allergy, there’s no better way to get to know someone (or test your long-term compatibility) than on a trip.
Whether you’re embarking on a breezy (read: short) vacay or bracing yourself for a longer-haul journey, here are the 57 thoughts you may have when travelling with your significant other.
Pre-flight
“She said”
1. Three hours ’til takeoff. Plenty of time. We’ll order an Uber, hit check-in before the crowds, maybe grab a burger at the airport lounge…
2. Wait.
3. Is that his suitcase?
4. Tell me that isn’t his suitcase.
5. His
6. Open
7. Empty
8. Suitcase.
9. I’m leaving without him.
10. I’ll join a singles tour through the Andes.
11. Probably meet my real soul mate.
12. Gunnar, a spontaneous yet punctual Swede.
13. Oh. There he is. He’s bringing a different suitcase.
14. That one was way too big anyway.
15. Of course I knew.
16. No, I wasn’t freaking out.
17. This trip is going to be so romantic.
“He said”
1. Three hours til takeoff. Plenty of time. I’ll take a nap, catch up on a little “House of Cards”, hit check-in after the crowds…
2. Wait.
3. Is that her at the door?
4. Tell me she doesn’t want to leave already.
5. Not a chance.
6. I’m not sitting at the gate for two hours again.
7. Why is she storming around like that?
8. I hope she doesn’t think that empty suitcase I left on the bed means I haven’t packed yet.
9. Actually, I kind of hope she does.
10. I’ll just sit here and let this play out.
11. I can literally hear the smoke coming out of her ears.
12. Rolling up with my packed suitcase in 3…2…1…
13. That’s right, babe.
14. That one was way too big anyways.
15. Of course you knew.
16. No, you weren’t freaking out.
17. This trip is going to be so much fun.
Post-flight
“She said”
18. Landed! I already feel so much more relaxed.
19. We’re just so in our element when we travel. All the little everyday annoyances suddenly seem so insignificant.
20. For example, back home I would have definitely commented on how long it is taking him to get from the airport doors to the taxi.
21. There is literally only one step in this process.
22. It is like travelling with an elderly three-toed sloth.
23. With a replacement hip.
24. Experimenting in tai chi.
25. At this rate, we should probably just stay at the airport until next week.
26. Probably shouldn’t have said that out loud.
“He said”
18. Landed! Bring on that nap.
19. We’re just so in our element when we travel. All the little everyday annoyances suddenly seem so insignificant.
20. For example, back home I definitely would have commented on how she is racing towards the taxi like her life depends on it.
21. Has she never heard of “island time” before? This is Bali, after all.
22. It is like travelling with an “Amazing Race” contestant.
23. Who’s had six cups of coffee.
24. On fast-forward.
25. At this rate, I should probably just meet her back at the airport next week.
26. Probably shouldn’t have said that out loud.
Upon arrival
“She said”
27. This place is too gorgeous to be real. Paradise found. What’s the catch?
28. …Found it. ENDLESS STAIRS.
29. How on Earth am I going to lug 50 pounds of strategically rolled tank tops up these?
30. I swear I’m getting altitude sickness.
31. These are the stairs that inspired “Stairway to Heaven”.
32. I bet the song is so long because they wrote it whilst climbing these stairs.
33. Aw. He’s carrying my suitcase for me.
34. Probably just carry my own suitcase.
35. But, still, I really picked a good one, didn’t I?
36. Okay, he didn’t have to run up them. Show off.
“He said”
27. This place is too gorgeous to be real. Paradise found. What’s the catch?
28. Cool, look at all these stairs! It’s like a built-in workout.
29. …And built-in entertainment.
30. I give her six steps.
31. If nothing else, this is a lesson in why it is utterly unnecessary to pack every bikini she owns.
32. Alright, alright, I’m stepping in.
33. Benching a solid 50 pounds of strategically rolled tank tops right now.
34. I bet myself I can make it to the top of these stairs in 14 seconds flat.
35. Fun fact: Rolled tank tops feel a lot like bricks when packed.
36. I might pass out, but I look like I nailed it.
Mid-trip
“She said”
37. Three days into this trip, he looks like a Greek god and I look like the illegitimate love child of Grace Coddington and Weird Al Yankovic.
38. Seriously, what is with this hair.
39. Luckily my Chill Travel Girlfriend persona is 100 per cent fine with frizz.
40. Does this Snapchat look like that of a Chill Travel Girlfriend who is 100% fine with frizz?
41. He has suggested a really, really big hat.
42. I’ll forgive him because no one else here speaks English.
“He said”
37. Three days into this trip and she’s really embracing the au naturel look.
38. Only she could still look that beautiful with that hair.
39. She is so not fine with frizz.
40. Maybe one of those really, really big beach hats could cover it up?
41. How is that offensive?
42. Note to self: always say you love the hair as-is.
The last day
“She said”
43. This trip was so worth any wrinkles acquired from sun exposure.
44. Would he think I’m totally insane if I pitched the idea of just staying here?
45. We could build a one-room cabin and adopt a family of pygmy marmosets.
46. I could serve at a seaside café and do sunrise hatha yoga every morning, he could become a hobby surfer and whittle pan flutes out of bamboo.
47. One week here and I’ve become a walking travel cliché with inexplicable hair.
48. Also, I just saw a suspiciously large lizard.
49. Well, I guess that means it’s time to start packing.
50. Wait, what is that in his pocket?
51. Is that… oh my god. Is this really happening?
52. I mean, it’s sooner than I expected, but of course, I’ve thought about it…
53. And it is the last day of our trip…
54. I love him, he loves me, we couldn’t be in a more romantic setting—I should just do it.
55. YES. Of course, yes!
56. Update: The mystery pocket item was a small pan flute.
57. Well, I guess now I have to pretend I want it?
“He said”
43. This trip was so worth the extra pounds gained from incessant eating.
44. Would she think I’m totally insane if I pitched the idea of just staying here?
45. We could build a one-room cabin and adopt a family of boa constrictors.
46. I could become a professional surfer and whittle pan pipes out of bamboo, she could serve at a seaside café and do that stretching thing she does every morning.
47. One week here and I’ve become a walking travel cliché carrying a little extra papaya ice cream weight.
48. Also, I just saw an awesome lizard.
49. It’s a sign I belong here.
50. Why is she looking at me like that?
51. Wait. She doesn’t think the pan flute in my pocket is a ring box, does she?
52. I’m starting to hyperventilate.
53. We’ve only been dating for a year and a half!
54. I mean, I love her, but…
55. Why do we have to be in the most romantic setting on Earth right now.
56. MAYDAY, pull out the pan flute.
57. Well, I guess now I have to give it to her?
Main image: istockphoto/AntonioGuillem
